SOUNDWAVE SUPERIOR, USPS INFERIOR

On February 14th, I received notice that my package had shipped! It would arrive anywhere from that very day to the previous Tuesday! When I checked the tracking information, it was in Osaka. But never mind; I am a patient person. In fact, it only took five days to arrive in Colorado. Sadly, the USPS failed to deliver it to me for some reason (and while we’re on the topic, why was the United States Postal Service delivering a package from Japan?) and I would have to go to the post office to pick it up. My mother offered to take me when she was done with work, but I couldn’t possibly wait. An hour after the post office opened, I put on the largest backpack I could find, my gloves, and my bicycle helmet; and set out.

Perhaps I should have listened to my mother when she said it was much too windy to bicycle to the post office, but it was only about 6 km away and I really wanted that package. Oh, how the wind railed against me, Best Beloved! How my fingers froze, and how I couldn’t put them in my pockets because my bicycle would get blown over if I rode without my hands! Also I had terrible cramps for no reason I could divine. Suffice it to say, it certainly felt like a heroic quest, undertaken against all odds and reason. But it was all worth it when I came, sniffling and flushed, into the post office to wait patiently for a nice man to fetch my package for me.

The package was enormous. It had to be two feet long and a foot and a half wide! There was no way that this was going to fit into the largest backpack I could find. Naturally, my only option was to hunker down on the sidewalk by the creek and open the box with my house keys. I had hoped it would be mostly full of packing material. In fact, it was mostly full of a very slightly smaller box, which itself (since it wouldn’t fit in the backpack either) I had to open to reveal a plastic packing case of the exact same size. This was annoying, but also gratifying, since it meant that they were taking good care of its precious contents.

Finally I finished packing my cargo, and now had a huge cardboard box to dispose of. Guiltily, I broke it down and stuffed it into a trash can, wondering whether public recycling bins even exist in the United States. And I rode back home, shoving one hand at a time into my hood before attempting to warm up the other.

Laserbeak will only sit on the laser arm.

BUT. It was all worth it. I still haven’t figured out how to turn him into a cassette player (did you want me to snap off the arms and reglue them later?) but I did get Laserbeak out of cassette form. I’ll admit, I swooned a little at the elegance of her design, how no space at all was wasted… Well. They now happily inhabit my bookshelf, and there they shall stay until I can find someone to help me puzzle out the transforming pictographs, which are accompanied by instructions only in Japanese.